I wanted to spend a minute today visiting a topic that has been showing up for me lately. It’s an undercurrent that simmers beneath the surface of several inquiries surrounding my current stage and age: midlife, 3rd age, 40+ (closer to 50)… It comes up for me as the question, “How do I stay relevant?”

At first, I was hesitant to address this because it seemed ridiculous. Of course I am relevant, I have value, I am visible, I am here. The truth is, ignoring the question ignores the painful reality of ageism in our culture. When I started to research this topic, there are the inevitable articles on coloring hair and injectables, laser treatments, and peels as remedies for staying relevant in the workplace. Just the ageism I feel keen to reject. It’s a little harder to ignore the disconnect I sometimes notice between the youthful and vibrant person I feel like I am inside and the aging body on the outside.

This is what I’ve decided matters most to me, what makes me feel like I am showing up for myself, makes me feel visible, makes me feel like my life counts:

~~ An open and flexible mindset. Ashley and I often talk about what kind of older people we want to be. There is some choice. Some days I worry I am tracking towards bitter and entrenched. I will recommit to joy and to the path of having my challenges, pains and trials yield more understanding, more empathy, more compassion.

~~I will continue to learn new things. I want to keep being a beginner, starting fresh. I need to be able to show up and say, “tell me how this works?”

~~My sister recently taught me this one. Every day ask, “what two things will I do today that will make today count?” It’s intention setting. Every single day. What do I need for today to feel like I lived? It’s organizing priorities. For me, that answer right now is to walk the dogs and meditate. Pretty simple.

~~ I am not going to let the tyranny of perfectionism topple my enthusiasm and my (waning) spontaneity! Something Ashley said that I absolutely love, “it’s not perfect, but it’s done.” Yes, yes, yes!

In the end, I want to be a badass. What does that mean? I feel like a badass holding my apple in my hand and cutting off hunks of it to eat while talking to a stranger, I feel like a badass curating my outings to prioritize feeling energized and alive, I feel like a badass learning to play the singing bowls because I just felt like it, I feel like a badass for figuring out how to use nutritional yeast and grow my own sprouts in a jar on the counter. (And yes, pickles will be next.) I feel like a badass camping by myself. I feel like a badass sharing these vulnerable thoughts. There are many ways to be a badass. I think staying relevant means discerning exactly what that means for you. A sharpening focus, clarifying priorities, being bold, and thinking kind thoughts about yourself and others.

What do I really want? I want us to rise up, organize, raise some hell and fix some shit, but I am deeply satisfied when I look around and see so many women engaged in their own re-wilding; marching exuberantly forward and taking their place at the table. This is how we stay relevant.